It’s been a little while

I haven’t wrote a post in awhile due to dealing with my anxiety. It came on out of nowhere. I started work and that Monday after it was like I was hit by a Mack truck ! I couldn’t hold Down food, I was in and out of the hospital, I had a panic attack and passed out in the hospital.

I was literally all over the place and I couldn’t figure out where the hell this all came from. I thought I was in a really good place and was finally on a good path! WRONG…. I honestly have not dealt with my moms passing I have just kept pushing it aside !! Now sitting here talking to my therapist I really realizing how much I actually do!

I’m a full time mom of two daughters, now a full time college student, learning coach to my oldest daughter ( now it’s summer vacation woo hoo). I’m a hairstylist on the weekend and I’m an owner of a health and wellness company called Arbonne. Some where in the middle of all that I’m a wife and my husband and I barely see or have time for each other with our crazy schedule. By the way tomorrow will be 15 years that we have been together it’s so crazy !!!

With trying to figure out how to really deal with my moms death which I feel it’s going to be incredibly hard because she was my whole life. Now figuring out how to give my family and I a life I never had and always wanted. I think that’s why I try to stay so busy I want to learn, I want to thrive, I want that life !!!!!

Writing this I can see how my anxiety has creeped up on me 😳 it’s A lot but I’m not going to give up. I am going to start over and I am going to figure it out . Anxiety and panic attacks are a real thing and not sure that a lot of people understand that or how to act toward it. Just know that everyone has a journey and a story and are going through things and just be kind and understanding. Some people can handle situations better than others and some people need the extra push and that is ok to.

For me this is not a set back it’s just part of my journey and how I come out of it is the victory and that is what I am focusing on !!! I’m back and ready to see what is next !!!!

Not a set back

Just part of my story

One step out of my comfort zone 😳

So if you have read my post you would know that I really am trying to work on who I am. Where I fit in this world. I also want to be a better wife and mother to my family. There is always room for improvement.

I want to step out and try to start my own business, so while I am at home with my children and homeschooling my oldest I want and NEED to bring in more 💴 money for my family.

My children deserve a house to grow up in and I deserve to be the best version of myself. So I started a business with Arbonne. If you are not familiar with Arbonne there an all natural product business. The business focuses on helping people live a better healthier life as well as trying to help out the earth!

Our business is about empowering people and helping them flourish. By being good to themselves, there community and the planet 🌎 who wouldn’t want to be apart of a business so uplifting or even just trying to be a better person.

So I launched my business May 8th and had to present my “WHY” to my friends and family! Being in front of people (even if it is on zoom) I was so nervous and was doubting myself. But I kept telling myself I’m not going to grow if I’m not willing to challenge myself and my new outlook on life is I don’t really care what people think about me especially negative because I’m the one taking care of my family and paying my bills nobody else. I was so proud of myself after!!!! This is definitely a big step in my new journey.

Homeschooling: First year is almost over !!!

Wow I can’t believe it’s just about a month left of Mila completing Kindergarden through homeschooling. Let me tell you I was nervous and completely stressed probably one month in! I was not going to give up I just new we needed some kind or schedule and adjustments.

I had to take a deep breathe and realize this is Milas first time in school and being homeschooled and my first time becoming a learning coach !!!! What was I thinking hahaha . Each week got better and better. We both where getting used to what needed to be done and had fun doing it. Our bond was just getting stronger and stronger through this school year.

Watching Mila learn is such a fulfillment for me. She is having fun and enjoying it. Mila gets evaluated every two weeks and recently her teacher told me that to have a first grade reading level, the way the teachers evaluate it starts at 200. The teacher told me Mila is above 280 in kindergarten.

As a mom I was so happy and I was thinking as a learning coach, I must be doing something right. It made me feel so good. I can’t see what next year brings for Mila. I also can’t believe I’m going to have a first grader 😳

Mila learning her words!!!

What I really want out of life !

It’s hard writing these kind of post because I personally think I should be where I want to be in life with certain things and I’m not. I beat myself up about it all the time.

Reasons behind that is not being raised and taught about certain life “must knows” and my own stupid life mistakes I made knowing it was not ok. I got in my own way thinking I needed everything that everyone had to make myself feel worthy. I feel so stupid now seeing that and going to do the total opposite. In my childhood life we grew up in survival mode, that’s all I knew. My parents lived paycheck to paycheck.

What I really want is for my kids to have there own house to grow up in . That is my number one priority. They deserve there own rooms and space, they deserve a yard to have fun in and make memories. I also wanted it for myself, I never grew up in a house. and had memories in a home for my birthday or holidays parties and I deserve that, my inner child that never grew up in a home deserves that too!!

What is my next step !!! I’m going to not spend my money on stupid things that are not worthy to me right now. Where going to get our life finances in order and start having a savings for a house. There is so much more that I can do for my family financially and I’m going to figure it out. It’s a must !!!

A R T 🎨

Being home all the time Lately I really have been finding what I love and what is really important to me. This quarantine has been an eye opener for the way I see the world now and how I am trying to find myself again !

Being with my family is the best thing in the world and I love that I have all this time with them. Don’t get me wrong I have my good days and bad days with them and it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. There only small for so long and I want that time with them!!!

We have been doing a lot of art work. Myself I have been trying to teach myself how to draw. Art really means a lot to me . I feel like I can express myself better than explaining it. I think that’s why I like photography so much . Art definitely is apart of me.

My daughters have been drawing and painting a lot. More my oldest is really getting into drawing and making pictures into stories. I feel like she expresses herself better through art as well. Sometimes when she gets really upset and can’t talk to us I ask her to draw me a picture on why she is upset and we usually and talk about it yet her drawing.

I have anxiety and depression and I have been working on myself for a while now. I have been noticing when I draw or take pictures or even just color it calms me down and relaxes me. I’m not the one who has much patience and it has gotten better cause I have children now but drawing helps teach me that as well.

Art helps you take a second to just think about what your doing! Even if your not good at it, art is for you and your feelings not anybody else. Also art comes in so many different things that there is something for everyone! You are a piece of …. A R T

Lessons I’m trying to figure out !

As a kid I grew up in a two bedroom apartment with my Mom, stepdad, brother sister and my stepsisters who lived there on and off. It was a hard life looking back at it now as an adult but I didn’t know much different because that’s what I grew up with! It wasn’t until I was 13 years old till where we lived in a house. I didn’t think any of us thought it was going to happen.

I never grew up in a house or was taught about saving, debt, credit and basically how to set myself up for a good life. I don’t blame my parents they were in survival mode them selves trying to keep a roof over our head and food on the table . I don’t think they where brought up that way either .

This last month going through my moms things and going through all my stuff, I was just thinking my mom had nothing to show for her hard work she did in her life ! Besides having good kids she didn’t have anything to show like a house or a paid off car she just had things !!! I thought I need to reverse that I want to show my children how to set them selfs up to a successful life. I want my children to grow up in a house !

Everything I went through in my childhood taught me in my life nothing comes easy and I need to work hard for it. I’m not afraid of hard work and I want to do this for my mom . It’s hard to figure out with no guidance but I will figure this out and set my children up to not make the mistakes I went through .

Easter in Quarintine

Easter was the best it could be under all the restrictions these days. I was wondering how I was going to make Easter as normal and fun as possible for my daughters. In my opinion they already have lost so much I couldnt take away Easter. Mila misses her cheer team and Gym. We miss our family and friends. Even not being able to go to the park or a playdate. So we got creative!!!

This year I ordered everything online through Target so I could just go in get it and leave. Which is hard for me because I am a shopper and miss browsing the stores. Now I am just an online window shopper hahah anyways. That worked out great then. On pinterest I found how to color Easter eggs with kool aid. So the day before, we tried It. It was a success and didnt stink. It was also great because Selena kept trying to drink it.

When Saturday night arrived and the girls fell asleep I went into Easter Bunny mode. I got all there goodies out and placed all the Easter bunnies foot prints around the house. It has been a tradition since I was little and Mila loves it!! This is Selenas first year seeing the prints and she basicly made snowangles through the powder hahaha. She loved it too !!! I also set up a fun scavenger hunt and Easter egg hunt throughout the house. It really is all the little things that children remember.

After all the fun morning festivities 🥳 we decided to go on a family walk. Mila decided to find rocks to take home and paint them. She said since there are people sick she wanted to make the world pretty to help everyone feel better. She is five years old and for her to think like that already makes my heart so full! It gives me hope that I am raising strong, kind, woman!

Also I had to throw in a photoshoot because that is what is fun for me hehehe. I love the memories and I did miss my “Normal” Easter but I can say I had a great one with my little family and got to make some presious memories. Here are some photos I would like to share:

Fun Myths to share with your curious little for Easter!

Is the Easter Bunny a boy or a girl?

Myth #1: The Easter Bunny is a boy. Bunnies are known to have lots of little baby bunnies, so the female rabbit does not have enough energy to deliver all of those eggs. She’s too tired after looking after all of her babies all day and making all the chocolate.

What’s the Easter Bunny’s name?

Myth #2: The Easter Bunny’s name is Egbert. Get it … Egbert.

Is the Easter Bunny married? Does he have kids?

Myth #3; Yes, he is married … to a very understanding bunny named Betty. They have 7 sons and 13 daughters.

How does he make all of the candy and deliver the eggs to everyone?  

Myth #4: The Easter Bunny — like his buddy Santa Claus (or Hanukkah Harry, depending on what you celebrate) — has many helpers to get eggs, candy, and baskets to children all over the globe. While Santa has elves, the Easter Bunny has a legion of highly trained woodland creatures: chipmunks are in charge of chocolate, squirrels make baskets, gophers handle the egg production.

Myth #5: Thanks to new technology, the Easter Bunny can easily talk with all of his helpers around the world. He is a Mac guy — he has an iPhone and an iPad. He relies on Google Maps to help him track the best hiding places.

Myth #6: He has a team of genius rabbit developers and scientists that come up with new gadgets to make his delivery system top-notch. No mere sled for Egbert. Nope, he has a few options to choose from: a custom-made Alfa Romeo equipped with egg launchers and a special GPS system, as well as the Egg Jet 2000, which has stealth capabilities.

Rabbits don’t hatch from eggs. Why does he deliver eggs?  

Myth #7: A long time ago, the Easter Bunny delivered bottles of candy, but they were harder to hide and transport. Then, for a bit of time, he hid wooden boxes. Eggs are light and fit easily in his pockets.

Being Different is one of the most Beautiful things on Earth!

Being a mom to one child for just about five years I was just so used to how Mila did things that I thought it was just the normal. What I mean by that is I was so used to just understanding that she only liked a certain kind of food. (like only 5 kinds of food). I always tried getting her to try new things but it was a no go. Mila never slept in her crib and I was ok with it she was my first baby and I kinda put her in our bed all the time. Mila never went into the cabinets or wanted to go in the toilet. My husband and I was just be used to her everyday routine.

We obviously would only know that, because she was our only child.

Getting to my point now being a mother of two girls it really is so beautiful to see how different they are from each other. Selena will eat any kind of food you put in front of her. She also sleeps in her crib during nap time and bed time (she does end up in our bed). Selena will go through every cabinet and when she sees the bathroom door open she runs right for the toilet. Its fun having new challenges and now seeing different characteristics for the same situation.

My sister and I are also very different and I new that as well as she did.

But, you see it differently as a mother because you’re seeing two of your beautiful creations turning into their own persons. It is so beautiful.

One thing both my children will have the same is family morals and manners. I want to raise them to be best friends and always look out for each other. I want both my daughters to be strong and independent and know they can do anything in this world as long as they put in the hard work and have the passion.

And it’s only the beginning…….

Photo-shoot kind of day

Photography is one of my passions. It has been since I was a child. It’s fun for me to create a picture after I snap it. I love editing photos after too, it makes my photos feel more artsy and more my taste if that makes any sense. It is a get away for me from my everyday struggles. My daughters are always my models and I take some of my family and friends photos. which I love when they ask me!!!

Capturing memories are my favorite and I just get a happy feeling inside. So today since we are quarantine and are staying home I decided to do a little photoshoot of my girls for Easter. Im trying to make easter feel as normal as possible for the girls expecially Mila because I don’t want her feeling any stress or anxiety when I tell her everything is canceled. I am trying to keep as much as I have control over to keep there lives “normal”.

A lot of the props that I use are decorations around my house. Some of my friends and family will bring there own props as well. I recently purchased a back drop kit and it makes taking photos inside so much easier and when I edit them the back drops help a lot . I have been recently getting my back drops from HSD Backdrops. It is always delivered in a great sturdy packaging and there are NO WRINKLES which is huge. For those of you who are photographers and use back drops know what I am taking about. I have bought a couple of backdrops on amazon and the backdrops where good but usually come wrinkled, and it takes a long time to get them out. I also have some PVC tubing to keep the back drops rolled nicely. So I wouldn’t have to start with wrinkles everytime I want to do a shoot.

If anyone is thinking of buying a backdrop just make sure you look into how the back drop is packaged and shipped. So you don’t have to deal with wrinkles and can’t shoot right away. I just ordered a professional light to enhance my photoshoots. I can’t wait to get it and share with you all if it helps my photos pop a bit more. Thank you for letting me share a little hobby I have and if anyone has any questions or even advise for me please share and ask !!!

Everything is NOT canceled !

Some of these things that I have listed are some ideas of things that we still have that we have taken for granted. I see so many negative post on social media and everyone complaining. We as busy parents, business workers, teachers ect. We never have the time to just take a minute and really enjoy them for once

I don’t want to ignore this horrific Pandemic or people thinking this post is naive because I am completely aware of what is going on. My family is struggling on how we are going to pay our bills just like everyone else.But I think instead of complaining figure out a way to help besides just staying home. For example my husband and I is making hospital masks with the use of his 3D printer for our local hospitals and we are going to donate them. There are so many ways to help while staying home.

I give out my deepest condolences to all the people that have lost their lives and who are fighting for there lives right now.

we as Americans need to show how strong we are and look at the terrible situation in the best way we can.

Mom it’s your Birthday 🎂

Today is your birthday. This is your second birthday not here. Which I still can’t wrap my head around. I want to celebrate you today like I always did when you where here. Now I just have to do it a little differently.

Right now I would like to share what a great woman you were. I always remember as a kid we didn’t have much, we didn’t have the luxury on going on big trips like other families did or have the expensive outfits and shoes everyone got for back to school. But you know what seeing you work so hard to put a roof over our head, food on the table and always taking us on adventures as a single mom,was way more powerful than all those extravagant things that we wanted but didn’t need .

You taught us to work hard and to never give up. You always showed us you wanted better for us and we saw how hard you worked and I thank you for that I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if it wasn’t for you .

You were so kind hearted and truthful! You loved your family so much and I love the way you valued family! You where always the “bigger person “ in a lot of family situations which I don’t know how you did it and I’m still learning from you with all of that. you truly are the best mom I could ever ask for .

You where literally the best shopper! You always made shopping so much fun! The people watching we did together will always be a memory between going to the beach Walmart or even just walking around the mall. I miss your facial expressions and your diva attitude. You always had the best advice I miss our phone calls so bad and being able just to tell you about my whole day and you actually listened !!!!!

I miss you texting me when was I going to pick you up to hang out and then you would be waiting by the window for me to pick you up. I still drive by your house and wish to see you at the window !!!! You where the best friend I always wanted !!! You where the role model I needed for me to be the best mom I can be for my girls .

Mom the girls and I will be celebrating you today I will be talking about you all day ! Mila and I will be baking you a cake ! Speaking of Mila she misses you so much and talks about you everyday !!! It kills me and warms my heart at the same time. You where truly her favorite she will always love her MiMi ❤️

Happy birthday in heaven Mom. I love you so much and miss you so much 🥰

🤍I love you Mom 🤍

Mom Mode vs Self Care

What I struggle with everyday is making time for myself to be the best version of myself.

I feel as though once I wake up all that is on my mind is ok lets make the girls breakfast, Now bath time and get ready for the day, get Mila ready for school …. I can go on and until bed time, listing all of the things I need to do for my daughters “MoM Mode”.

I never take a second to think ok Jenn what are you going to eat, shower, workout, look like a human!!!

Now that I have been going through therapy I am learning truly how important self care is. I lost myself a lot when I lost my mom then became a mother of two. It still doesn’t seem real and I will forever struggle and have to work on my anxiety and depression stemming from my mothers passing.

She truly was the biggest impact on my life and this is a hard hit for me for sure.

What I am learning now is I still have a purpose, and that is to raise some strong independent bad ass daughters!!!I need to be the best me to be able to raise that up in my girls. That right there is so powerful to me and keeps me pushing.

Right now I’m really trying to workout. It really is a great stress relieve for me I just have to make sure I make time for me!!!Schedules and organization come back into play haha. It is the only way I can get everything done between mom mode and self care.

I want to share my workout journey of my with you guys. I also think that it will help to hold me accountable, hopefully, this will make it so I get it done.

Deal !!!

Don’t laugh at me I haven’t worked-out in so long but I can’t wait to see what I do now, compared to what I will be able to do a year from now or even 6 months.

Lets Go!

I will be posting my workouts below Enjoy haha !!! First video will be posted Saturday March 28th

20 minute Ab workout P 90X

Virtual Schooling – Tips to help Parents!

Virtual learning is changing the way that students can learn. However, just because the classroom looks different does not mean that social relationships are any less important to the learning experience for students enrolled in a virtual schooling program.

In this setting it is the parents and other caregivers who offer some of the most critical guidance that students need to be successful in their academic adventure. For students enrolled in virtual programs, the basic support they need from parents is just the same as any regular student!

Positivity, accountability, and the knowledge that family members are aware of and care about what they’re working on. But, virtual learning does come with some unique challenges. This is where some planning and strategies can really make or break the experience for both parent and student.

Here are five things you as a parent can do to help your child achieve success in virtual courses:

Build a Schedule with your child

One of the biggest benefits of virtual learning is the flexibility it offers. That flexibility, does comes at a price. That price is the absence of a predetermined schedule .

Students in virtual courses need to build their own routines and manage their time in order to stay on track. Having a well-thought-out, specific daily schedule is KEY! Parents can be a huge help, not only in building such a plan but also in making sure that it is followed.

Before your child’s virtual course(s) begins, sit down together and think through what he or she is responsible for accomplishing in his or her virtual courses on a daily and, or, weekly basis.

This is where you try to figure out how much time those tasks will realistically take, and what other commitments (sports, arts, work, family engagements, etc.) he or she needs to consider.

Bring your child’s virtual teacher(s) into the conversation too—teachers can offer valuable advise into what the demands of virtual courses really look like and how time will need to be managed.

Once you’ve talked through everything on your child’s plate, help him or her write out a weekly schedule with designated work time for online courses.

hang up the schedule in a noticeable place, like on the refrigerator or next to a calendar, to help keep your child accountable and create an effective routine.

Model Hard Work and Persistence

Modeling success in virtual courses takes a high level of motivation and self-directed effort.

For those new to virtual schooling remember to allow time for adaptation. For some virtual students, this motivation comes naturally, but for others, especially those new to online courses, getting adapted to self-directed learning can be a challenge.

Parents and other caregivers can make a big difference here, simply by demonstrating that pervasiveness is an important skill out in the“real world” beyond school.

Talking to your child about your own work and goals is a great place to start. Tell him or her about difficult projects you’re working on, new skills you’re trying to master, and challenges you’ve faced.

For instance, do you have a big presentation coming up at work? Tell your child about the extra time you’re putting in to prepare. Are you in the process of taking up a new hobby? Tell your child about how you’ve had to try and fail.

Take the time to sit down with him or her while they are working on coursework, and try to tackle some projects of your own at the same time. These don’t have to be big project or perfect examples (and don’t expect to hold your child’s attention), but demonstrating your own hard work and motivated attitude will help your child take a similar approach.

For your child seeing is much more powerful than hearing.

Set Up a Workspace 

Everyone is different, and surroundings make a huge difference in one’s mindset and ability to focus.

Students enrolled in virtual courses have the ability to complete their work where they want, so it’s important to put thought into what kind of environment is truly most effective for them.

This means making sure that they have a designated space at home. Some where quiet, and, a place with the least amount of distractions.

If your child thrives in quiet, make sure that he or she has a desk and comfortable chair in a quiet area. If he or she needs a little more interaction and hands-on interaction, a desk or table in the living room or kitchen may be a good option.

No matter what the workspace looks like, be sure that your child has easy access to the materials and supplies that he or she will need.

like good headphones, a wireless mouse if he or she will be working on a laptop, paper for notes, pens, and other office supplies.

Familiarize Yourself with the Virtual Learning Platform

Students taking virtual courses spend their school days engaged in an online program.

For the parents, taking the time to get familiar with how the platform looks like, how your child is using it, and what resources are available are some of the best ways you can offer support.

You can start by exploring any resources provided by the virtual learning program next to your child.

Make sure that your child is comfortable exploring through the courses and completing basic tasks like submitting assignments and checking grades.

Communication between students and the teacher is equally if not more important in virtual courses. Many virtual course providers also offer parent portals—be sure to find and explore any tools like this, so that you can monitor your child’s progress.

It’s your child’s course, but by knowing the program, you will have a better grasp on what his or her learning looks like and how you can best provide support.

You also will know everything that is happening in your Childs academic life.

Build a Relationship with Your Child’s Teachers

Virtual teachers are teachers like any others!

They’re qualified, dedicated professionals who want to build strong relationships with their students it is simply amazing!!!

For parents, your child’s virtual teachers are your star teammates in supporting your child through his or her online schoolwork.

Essentially all virtual courses require a certain amount of communication back and forth between students and teachers, but these teachers are also available to you.

If you have questions about the course or concerns about your child’s progress, reach out and discuss them with his or her teacher. Remember to share your Childs successes!

You see your child on a very regular basis—the virtual teachers don’t. When you see your child reaching goals, making productive changes, or hitting important milestones, tell the teacher about it—it’s guaranteed that your child will appreciate the positive feedback coming from multiple angles.

Let’s talk PINK !

So I have had my hair pink since October 2012 after I got married! In October and everyone knows it’s breast cancer awareness month. My grandmother passed away 2011 from breast cancer. So when October came around as a hairdresser we had to show off our pink. That is my all time favorite color so I was so excited to show off my pink hahaha. I first started with the pink in My bangs, then I added peek a boo pink through out my hair! So I enjoyed that, for about a year. Then the following September I was like let’s just do my whole head and that’s where it all began and I don’t know myself anymore with any other hair color. I feel like it’s my signature ❤️ after having two daughters it has been a lot harder too keep up with it, because it’s a lot of work in it self, never mind adding two children asking me for things during the coloring process. It has been 6 months since I have last bleached it prior to adding pink ( that’s how you get the vibrancy). So, since where all stuck at home I had my husband watch the girls and I went back to full on pink. I always have a debate with myself about whether I should change it, am I getting to old for pink hair??? The answer is NO it fits me and I don’t care what other people think and I love it 🥰 I get a lot of compliments and questions on how I get it like this and I would love to share my cosmetology knowledge and tips with you guys !!!! I will be posting updates under the ME page, found in my menus on the steps on how I get my hair like this !!! Let me know what you think or have any questions!!!!

The positive outlook

I really don’t want to write anything about the virus going around. It’s everywhere and I don’t need to add to the craziness. I want to talk about the positive that we could look at during all of this madness in the world. Like spending time with your family, playing board games, arts and crafts, watching a Disney movie or even making a fort!!!! When will we have this time again? You could also do some spring cleaning and that organization that everyone never has time to get too.

I feel like before this happen life was going too fast and everyone had time for nothing. We should take this as a sign to slow down and see what is really important in life and not take it for granted. Everyone please take a deep breath we will get through this hard time just try to make a positive out of your personal situation all stress and anxiety does is get you sick and that for sure is not going to help us. I am here if anyone needs anything we are all in this together. 🌎❤️

On a lighter note 📝

Besides being a mom of two girls, learning coach for my oldest, sports and activities through out the week, going to college myself hopefully still graduating next spring🤞🏽Also working as a hairstylist on the weekends not that that doesn’t keep me busy but I am also trying to find myself and have time for myself. I have been starting to draw. I’m not that good by any means but I do find it very relaxing 😌 does anyone else like to draw or color to unwind!!! And I also have my glass of moscato not to far away 😉.

I love going to the beach !!! It is my home away from home I don’t know what it is but when I’m there I have no more pain or anxiety everything completely goes away ! I grew up going to the beach since I was little. We used to camp at the reservation in Salisbury Massachusetts. My mom had such a love for the beach as well and I think she instilled it in me 🥰 this year we are going to try camping there. Mila has been asking to camp for a while now and I told her that’s the only camping I do hahaha. But I don’t think she really understands camping because she freaks out when she sees an ant on the ground or a bee 🐝 flys by hahaha . If we went real camping we would be on our way home real fast !!! This summer I really want to do a lot of activities and adventures with my two peas in a pod !!!! Stay tuned ….

Anxiety at another level

I have posted before that I have anxiety and depression. I always had anxiety my whole life but once real life things started happening like being bullied, losing close family members, my sister leaving me and moving to another state then having children. It really was so much for my brain to understand and process it. It all feels like it came at once. My anxiety gets so bad that I get myself sick and can’t stop throwing up till I can figure out how to get myself out of it . I started getting depressed when I lost my mom and I lost a piece of me that day as well. It’s crazy that I have had anxiety my whole life but it still feels like it’s all new. I don’t even know what to do with it half the time. And I hate that there are little things in life that can trigger it. Then I just get upset with myself because I feel like I’ve been working so hard on my self with my anxiety then it goes away so fast with a trigger.

I started going to therapy after my mom passed cause I new I couldn’t handle all the emotions by myself. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. First thing I have done for myself in a very long time !!! I really have found that it is ok to be aware of my anxiety I just tried to hide it because I just thought it was bad I guess. But it’s not it is who I am and I just need to work on myself everyday and take away the toxic things that I can to help reduce it . There are so many people that think it’s just people getting attention and that is absolutely so far from the truth and my opinion there should be more mental help and awareness. It is ok to admit if you have anxiety and own it and try to fix it don’t let it take over your life . It’s a working process one day at a time.